Embracing the Messiness of Healing...

It's been almost a week since my mastectomy surgery. A long week, but also a week that went by in the blink of an eye... Keeping on top of my meds, my drains, my rest, and my careful stretches and gentle walks, has dominated my life.

Let's start with the POSITIVE. I cannot say enough about the medical staff and professionalism and care I received at Advent Hospital for my outpatient surgery. EVERY nurse could not have been kinder or gentler with me, and there were a lot of them. I interacted with at least 10 different nurses, each one offering a genuine smile or a joke. I carefully tried to remember all of their names, despite my drug induced state. I also had the female dream team of doctors- from my anesthesiologist to the plastic surgeon and the oncology surgeon. When the anesthesiologist told me she was going to start my meds, I stopped her to let her know I wanted to talk to my plastic surgeon one last time before the surgery. I wanted to reiterate my desire for a 'direct to implant' procedure without expanders, if this was possible. I also wanted to remind her that I wanted low-profile implants that were as close to the size of my natural breasts as possible. Luckily, and without hesitation, everyone honored my wishes, and I was able to have the conversation before I was put under.

When I woke up, groggy and out of sorts, my first question was whether or not they were able to honor my wishes for 'direct to implant.' I was relieved when the nurse confirmed they were able to and then asked for a strong dose of some anti-nausea meds. The rest of the discharge process is a bit blurry as they walked Bill and I through what we would need to know about my meds and the emptying of my drains. I did my best to keep my eyes open and pay attention, but that was almost impossible.

The first couple of days was a bit of a struggle as I got used to the newness of the healing routine. Luckily, I experienced very little pain. Mostly, I was just a bit uncomfortable, and the pain meds seemed to really help. By the weekend, I was feeling so good and in need of some interaction, so it felt so good to see some friends and watch some football.

Yesterday, I met with my plastic surgeon who said everything looked amazing and she was so happy that I was pleased with the results. She reminded me that even though I may feel good, that I must take it easy and allow my body to heal- a much-needed message that I am trying to honor.

As I come off the "high" that includes the relief of getting through the surgery and the weaning off of the serious pain meds, I'm left with the reality of what is and what lies ahead. It has me feeling a little melancholy. I'm far from fully healed and this is just the first step in what could potentially be a long, uncomfortable treatment process.

In a sense, I've conquered the first mountain, but there is still so much in front of me. So much unknown. So much left to climb...