Joy

A loving reminder to self:

Even though the world feels like a giant dumpster fire right now, you must find little moments of joy every day. You will feel the tug, the siren song, of the world’s pain and complexity. It will feel like a rip current that is too mighty to swim against. Exhaustion will overtake you as you try to fight against the ever-crashing waves of dramatic news articles that aim to overwhelm your senses and pull you under. You must swim parallel to shore – you must remove yourself from the daily onslaught of events that are outside your control.

Please do not let yourself drown in the details of social media and the news, especially first thing in the morning. In fact, remind yourself that it is not your job to fix the larger and more global issues that the world is facing. My dear, you can only focus on the small things that are within your control. Your job is actually quite simple- notice the little glimmers of joy in everyday miracles, hold open the door for strangers, smile, walk outside, join a local nonprofit that is trying to make a difference in your community, cuddle your animals, write a letter to a government official, hold your friends close (especially the ones that are fighting difficult battles or have lost their jobs/careers), watch your bird-feeder and let the sound of the birds' song remind you to be still and experience awe, seek in person connection with friends that make you feel warm inside, and please spend as much time in nature as possible – specifically feeding baby cows.

Love,

You!

Let me start by saying I’m not taking the state of this country, or the world, lightly. I am an empath, and I feel everything. I mean, everything. I feel all of the sorrow, all of the fear, and all of the hate. I don’t have to read the news articles or follow social media to perceive the impending doom that is lingering in the air. But this blog post is not about politics or, the state of the world, this is simply a reminder to me (and maybe someone who relates to this) that we really must focus on the micro level right now. The evil in this world is hoping we will focus on the macro and get so overwhelmed that we lose our footing and get pulled under by tide.

In addition to the very real fears that I have for humanity, I also have a heavy dose of anxiety, concern, and weariness for my own cancer battle. A recent visit with my oncologist has me facing some very life altering anti-cancer/chemo drugs. More notably, the side effects from the drugs are my major concern. Per usual, I came to my appointment armed with medical research on how to combat the very real side effects. Not shockingly, my oncologist was not open to the more recent research on hormone therapy, as she takes a VERY conservative/by-the-book approach to cancer treatment. She shot me down by telling me that my cancer is hormone driven; therefore, we will not be introducing any treatments that include hormones. I held my tongue. We moved on and discussed the currently prescribed drugs that include a painful, monthly (IN MY STOMACH no less) shot, and an oral medication that cost $9,600 per month. I wish I was joking. Luckily, the very generous drug manufacturer (insert extreme sarcasm and eye roll) pays for three months via a very suspicious "co-pay" card. Don't worry, it only takes a patient hours to navigate the morally suspect registration process. But I could barely concentrate on her words, because something in my soul told me that something was off. This drug that she is so confidently prescribing is hardly conclusive in the research: "Whether this benefit in advanced breast cancer extends to early breast cancer is unclear. (Funded by Novartis; NATALEE ClinicalTrials.gov umber, NCT03701334)."

Fighting against all my preprogramed gender socialization, I decided not to be sweet, small, kind, and agreeable. I boldly brought up that we had yet to discuss the serious long-term implications that these drugs would bring to my bone density, heart, liver, and immune system. Flustered, she told me that we can and will discuss these things. As she back peddled, she ordered a baseline bone density test- something that should have been ordered during my first cancer diagnosis years ago. I didn't back down. Cancer has taught me that I no longer have to be a people pleaser. If I am considered a "difficult patient" the research actually shows I might live longer. Ultimately, my oncologist relented and gave me an opportunity to send her the research via email. Despite this, I left the appointment feeling defeated, ignored, and unheard. Unfortunately, this is an all-too-common issue within our health care system, especially when you are a woman. I don't think anyone would argue with the statement "Women are strong." I hear people tell me this personally all of the time. However, what choice do I have? Especially when being dismissed and being faced with barbaric treatment options. It feels like “performance punishment” with the highest stakes imaginable- my life and my health span. Sadly, I am far from alone.

With all of the impending doom (and personal struggle) that swirls around each one of us and tries to steal our attention, I am going to choose presence, and nature, and friendship as much as I possibly can. I will not succumb to the media, political brainwashing and intolerance.

I cannot.

I chose love. I chose JOY!

These are the orphan baby cows we are taking care of at the moment- Hunny and Sunny! They need twice-daily bottle feedings. This is my happy place. This is where I bring my body back to homeostasis and tap into my parasympathetic nervous system.