Be Patient.

---

Cancer.

One little word changes everything. Again.

Just to be clear, the only reason for this early diagnosis is because I requested additional screening. My doctors never even mentioned the option of having a diagnostic MRI scan in addition to my yearly mammograms. I requested more screening as a preventative measure based on my previous breast cancer and a very dense breast category. I'm grateful for the iRise Above Foundation, my wonderful breast cancer warrior friends, and countless research articles that guided me to this invaluable information.

I wasn't overly concerned about the test or the results; I just thought it would be best to be as cautious as possible. With all of this said, I'm lucky enough to have supportive doctors who ordered the MRI without any pushback. Unfortunately, another stark reminder that it lies upon our own shoulders to get the care and testing we need.

No one is going to take your health more seriously than YOU.

After requesting a preventative MRI, scheduling was set in motion and within a few days I found myself surrounded in the claustrophobic MRI cylinder with mind numbing clatter that would determine my new fate. Interestingly, the results came to me that evening in the form of an email and an opportunity to log into my health portal to discover and read the radiologist's comments. While I sat alone on my couch I read the words: a .7 cm enhancing suspicious area located in my right breast (where my previous cancer was located).

Suspicious.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist, or an oncologist, to know that this news was not good. In fact, it felt like an official diagnosis. The results might as well have confirmed my cancer was back.

But after an exhausting two plus weeks of WAITING (can I even begin to tell you how awful the waiting period is for this?!?!?) and pushing for the fastest biopsy time I could find (and never accepting the "we can get you scheduled in 3 weeks" response) I finally got the confirmation. My surgeon's nurse called me with the terrifying results just last night.

Cancer.

I finally exhaled after over two weeks of holding my breath. I exhaled and I sobbed and grieved my new reality. But then again, I already knew. I don't know how we know these things, but we just do...

This morning, I had the weighty discussion with my surgeon on the next step and choices. That's right. Choices. I know I should be grateful that I have choices, but even so, no one wants to have to make these kinds of choices:

Mastectomy with no reconstruction (going flat)

Lumpectomy with localized radiation

Mastectomy with reconstruction (pick your poison reconstruction: implants or several other reconstruction options utilizing skin/tissue from my own body)

Impossible choices.

The two main choices (lumpectomy or mastectomy) both come with similar chances of recurrence:

lumpectomy- 5-10%

mastectomy- 3-8%

I've had countless women (women who have had breast cancer, and even some that have not) try to give me their unsolicited opinion on what they would do, or better yet what I should do. Although I'm aware that the intent was well-meaning, the truth is that you never know what you will do until you are faced with the exact same situation. We are ALWAYS only in our OWN situations, walking in our own shoes. No one situation is exactly alike.

I say all of this as a reminder to me, and anyone who reads this, that words are powerful. Be careful what you say. Especially to someone grieving... Someone dealing with a health crisis. Consider that YOU do not know how they are feeling or what they should do.

Candidly, I don't know what I want to do or what is best for me yet.

I say all of this to offer some advice to myself and others:

• Be patient. (no pun intended) Be patient with yourself and others.

  
  

• Don't offer unsolicited advice to someone who is going through a difficult time.

  
  

• Saying "I'm here for you" is enough.

  
  

• Don't ask too many questions.

  This person may not actually know what's next or all of the details of their diagnosis. Although your questions are well-intentioned, keep in mind that you may be causing further overwhelm.

And finally, with all due respect:

My body. My choice.

Namaste.

---

*Unlike the last time I was diagnosed with cancer this time, I have a blog established. It's also my journal, an opportunity to process my feelings. This blog is for me. If my blog happens to benefit you/others, that will make me very happy, but it is not the sole intention.

*Thanks for reading, and please subscribe if you don't want to miss my future blogs.

*iRise Above Utah Healing Trip- East Mesa Trail Observation Point